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3 Ways to Get Your Kids to Leave You the Hell Alone So You Can Write (sorta)

Creative people are usually the last to call it quits when “working time” is over. I use “working time” lightly, because if you’re a parent with kids at home, you work on your creative endeavor whenever possible. Kids, by their very nature, thrive on interrupting us when we are at our creative peaks, right? That perfect ending sentence to the scene you’re writing? It’ll have to wait until Tommy’s done throwing up. That new character you dreamed about last night and are literally shaking with anticipation to flesh out on paper? Um… sorry, little Betty has a Lego up her nose, again. 

Interruptions. They come free the moment you give birth or bring your new child home, and they don’t go away when your shiny-faced goober gets older, either. In fact, my teenager is sometimes more of an annoyance to my writing mojo than my tween or grade-schooler. Luckily, and trust me, I know I’m fortunate, my kids are in school all day. It’s the evenings and weekends I have to contend with. Like many of my author compatriots, the writing inspiration really wants to let loose in the evening, you know, right around the time I’m earlobe-deep in Algebra and Shakespeare homework, making supper and breaking up fights.

Sound familiar? Maybe you have toddlers at home yet and are trying to carve out time in between diaper changes and the never ending vortex of exhaustion to write your novel, or paint your masterpiece. In this case, let me hail you in solidarity because I get it. I was you once, too— my oldest was three when I started working from home. Along came two more kids and BAM! That vortex of exhaustion was a raging bitch. 

What’s an at-home creative to do with these little people? I have a few suggestions (and at the end, there’s advice from another creative brain mom too, so keep reading), but mostly, I want you to know that most of the time, you’re going to have to say eff it, writing, painting, drafting, etc. will have to wait. Let’s face it: kids want what they want, and if their sole (maybe, soul?) purpose is to interrupt the hell out of you, than that’s what they are going to do. 

For the times you think that you might get a little cooperation out of them, try these things (age appropriate, of course).

They Clean. They Leave you Alone. They get Money.

Your kids probably have age-appropriate chores anyway, right? Why not up the ante to give yourself extra kid-free time to work. Take 3-4 envelopes, maybe more depending on how you want to do it. Fill each envelope with one dollar, the next with two dollars, the next with three, and then four and maybe one with five bucks, if you’re desperate enough. 

On the back of each envelope, write down a chore with the dollar amount inside. Say, they have to clean the bathroom, including the sink, toilet, sweep the floor, wipe down the tub (whatever) for three bucks. Of course, keep in mind what cleaning solutions you’re kids are getting into—though, this is great for money-hungry tweens who need to know how to clean the toilet. Throw in another dollar if they don’t complain. Ha!

Chores can be as simple as folding a basket of laundry for a dollar, or busy work so you get the most out of it, like organizing shelves in the kitchen. Whatever tasks you know your kids can do safely and with minimal arguing or complaining. I can hear you thinking--, “Why would I pay my kids to do this stuff?” And my response is, “Well, how desperate are you for a little more work time?”

Hmmm??? Pssst: I’ve done this, and it works. Plus, less chores for you!

Electronic Surprise

Now, this isn’t one of those suggestions meant to suggest that you should plop your kid down in front of a video game for an hour or two so you can work on your novel. Except that it kinda is, and I don’t feel guilty about it, and honestly, either should you. Lemme explain. 

I see it on Twitter all the time, the guilt-tweets: “I let Johnny play Minecraft for four hours so I could write. I’m such a bad mom. #worldsokayestmom.” I want to flick those posts between the eyes. Electronics are not the end of the world, and are an effective way to buy you a little more work time. Below, our guest mom, aspiring author and all around creative, Mel Beatty talks about using Minecraft as an educational tool. 

Chances are, if you give your kids the surprise of two hours of free electronics play time, they are going to run with it and leave you the hell alone. It’s not every day. It’s once in a while, and if you happen to have a brand new Xbox game hidden that you want to pull out for shits and giggles, go ahead. *cough, cough* That’ll buy you more than a couple hours, if you’re lucky. If you’d rather they do something higher up on the educational spectrum, try letting them explore websites like funbrain.com and coolmath-games.com.

Independent Crafts

I hear you groaning, but hear me out.  This works best for older kids, like tweens, who will require little to no assistance. Unless by some miracle of the genetic lottery, you actually have older kids who like helping their siblings do stuff. In that case, let them all craft!

Creative moms and dads usually have creative kids, so there’s a good chance you have a ton of crafty materials lying around. Bring them out. All of them. Spread ‘em out on the table and let the kids have-at-it. I do this when I’m on deadline, because my girls will paint for hours. Paper, after paper, after paper. It’s a mess, but it meets my end-goal which is to have more working time (especially on the weekends). The mess they make? Hand out an envelope with a dollar in it…

In case you need some fresh ideas for crafting fun for older kids, try 23 Activities for Tweens. The water bottle bracelet looks pretty cool. 

Mel Beatty, up-and-coming women’s fiction author and super-creative genius, is the mom of two very active grade-school aged girls. When she’s not working at the bookstore, Mel is home with her girls, attempting to write her book while encouraging her kids to leave her the hell alone, like the rest of us. I asked her about using electronics as a bribe: 

“I’m blessed with two smart, creative kids who love to read books and do art projects, so I know they ARE capable of doing creative, individual play without electronics, albeit, I usually have to be way more present for that, because it often devolves into “SHE’S TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!” “NO I’M NOT!” If I thought they were lacking in learning skills, I probably wouldn’t let them play as much as they do. With screen time, we try to keep it creative, which is why I’ve been so tolerant of Minecraft. It’s like a virtual set of building blocks to which the laws of gravity don’t apply, so, naturally, they love being able to build whatever they want. I’m completely blown away by how much they’ve learned and how good BOTH of them have gotten at it. Even the four year old can build basic machines inside the game. I also like that they can often play better together inside the game than outside, except when the youngest fills the whole house with ocelots, or detonates a load of TNT in the middle of the living room.”

Mel’s other solution for getting some extra writing time when the Minecraft shiny wears off? 

“I hide in the bathroom with my laptop!”

At some point, our kids need to learn that we need time to work, or finish up working, without being bombarded, and then they need to respect that time. It's not a substitute for good parental involvement, of course, but unless they are bleeding or that Lego has traveled to little Betty's brain, a few more minutes to write your little fingers off isn't going to hurt. 

# # # 

What do you think? Any tricks or tips for keeping your own kids busy while you're writing?

Authoring with Chronic Illness: The "Something's %$#@! Wrong" Stage

I've been sick for years.

Beyond the common cold and normal everyday illnesses that affect everyone, I've been ill. As far back as I can remember, which is a long time, there has always been something wrong. And the problems have always centered around my gastrointestinal system. I see the bounty of commercials so prevalent lately , advertising this pro-biotic or that supplement to regulate your system and cure your GI problems, and I get angry. Because it's not true--for many of us, nothing helps. No amount of pro-biotic or "healthy gut" juice is going to make me healthy.

 

I'm finding that out the hard way.

See, even though I've been sick a long time, with symptoms that have progressed over the years to the point I'm at right now--typing this from my bed, a place I've rarely left in 2 weeks--I've been stubborn to do anything about it. Because I've tried many times over the years, I've tried. And I've gotten no where... at least, no where that's given me any definitive answers. What it did give me was a hell of a lot of shame and doubt and embarrassment, and now, days upon days of devastating symptoms.

Again.

Why should you care about any of this? Really, I don't expect the majority of people to care. But there might be those few who read this with interest because they're living it, too. And if they are authors like me, they might find themselves staring into space, fighting a bevy of symptoms and wondering how they are going to meet their next deadline, or find the energy to interact with their fans today.

Mostly, I'm writing this for me because that's what I do: I write. While this post, and those that follow, won't be poetic or carefully plotted and worded like my books are, I don't mind. There is nothing cohesive or poetic about chronic illness anyway. This disease rambles and attacks with spurts of viciousness that lends me to feel that when I write about it, I can be as random as I like. What does it matter? The disease doesn't care how it looks on me, as long as it's heard. And trust me, I hear it loud and clear.

Inflammatory bowel disease.

Doesn't that sound pretty? Like something you can't wait to talk to your best friend about, or bring up as dinner conversation? Everyone wants to know all about your inflamed bowel, trust me. And they can't wait to hear about how it disrupts your life because you are chained to the closest restroom for hours, if not days, at a time.

Listing your symptoms is especially fun as a conversation starter at parties: Joint pain, severe abdominal pain, life-altering fatigue, anemia, not to mention the reason you can't leave the bathroom in the first place. Follow that up with constant nausea, hunger with the inability to eat anything, and if you're really feeling brave, bring out your "potty diary" and pass it around.

 

Once you've snagged their attention, be sure to play on their curiosity by telling them HOW MANY TIMES you had to see a doctor before you were given a smidgen of helpful diagnosis or advice. Maybe yours was like mine:

As a teen, I suffered chronic abdominal pain and GI issues. Doctor said to take me off wheat and put me on birth control. Um... okay.

In my early 20's, I brought up my constant need to use the restroom, along with scary blood in places there shouldn't be blood and never-ending abdominal pain. He told me I probably had pelvic inflammatory disease and accused me of cheating on my military spouse while said spouse was on deployment. Uh... wow. Right, because PID causes you to have blood in your poo, right? And every 20 year old woman is incapable of NOT sleeping around and getting PID?? Ugh.

No. Down with that idiot.




While pregnant with my second child, the abdominal pain and constant need to use the restroom (right the hell now. RIGHT NOW!) was completely life-altering. I got a head pat and reminded that I was pregnant, silly woman. Of course everything is out of whack. Geesh. Not helpful, considering the symptoms remained for months afterward. It was hormonal... you'll be fine. Drink lots of water and exercise.



Third child: The same.

After birth of third child, the exhaustion was all-consuming. A few months later, joint pain developed, along with a recurrence of chronic abdominal pain and days in which I couldn't leave the house because I couldn't risk being away from a restroom. Diagnosis? Another head pat and the told I likely had fibromyalgia. Drink lots of water. Get out of the house. You're probably depressed. Oh, and by the way, you're too young to go on disability, so if that's what you're looking for, please don't ask me to fill out paperwork for you. ??? What the actual hell? Work NEVER came up during that conversation, but I did ask for a gastroenterologist consult which was DENIED. I went out to the parking lot, all three kids in tow, and cried in my car after that appointment. Cried. So hard I had to wait to drive home.

Follow-up appointment with my primary MD resulted in much the same: You're a stressed young mother with three kids and two jobs. You're not getting enough sleep. Take Imodium when you need it. By the way, you're anemic so take a multi-vitamin. Colonoscopy? No, there's no need for that. Exercise more. Even though I was taking up to 8 Imodium per day with NO RELIEF.



Exercise more when there are days I can't wait to put my kids on the bus so I can go back to bed and SLEEP THE ENTIRE DAY? That's when the joint pain lets me get comfortable, and when I don't have to go to the bathroom every hour or less.

At this point, I'm like, please, someone. Just get on the same page as me, M'kay??

 

Five months ago, I went in again and was told I was anemic. Take a multi-vitamin. Get some rest. Exercise the fuck more. See me in three months. Instead, I saw a surgeon who is also a family friend. For all that is good in the Universe, he listened. 30 years later, and he was THE FIRST DOCTOR WHO LISTENED. He recommended a colonoscopy. Yes! Said I had all the indicators of Inflammatory bowel disease, likely Crohn's disease based on the location of my chronic abdominal pain and other GI symptoms, including my recurring anemia, off and on weight loss. But first, I had to see a primary care doctor.

Ha. Hahaha, hahahahah, yes! Finally.



I don't have a positive diagnosis, YET. Either way, he's assured me the symptoms are beyond irritable bowel syndrome, so they are calling it pseudo-Crohn's until we know more. It's been a few months and I'm finally ready to find out for sure. I won't lie. I had to work myself up to this. It's embarrassing to talk about. It's frustrating to know there are tons of tests and lots of money staring me in the face until I have more answers.

But it's time.


My family doesn't understand--all they know is that I'm feeling poorly all the time. After 21 years, my husband is apathetic to hearing me say that I don't feel good, and I don't blame him. My children don't understand because I don't understand. All I know is that mommy doesn't feel good enough to go outside and play.

Mommy is lying in bed trying to write and meet her next book deadline. Mommy has been in the bathroom 18 times in 6 hours, and hasn't eaten more than a couple bites in 2 weeks. Mommy is exhausted and in pain and missed 6 days of work last month because of her symptoms. Mommy wishes she was someone else. Someone healthy, or perhaps better, someone with a true diagnosis so she can start getting better.

2 weeks until testing, and then, hopefully the acceptance phase can start. 

Comfort Food Monday: Gluten-free Gingerbread Cookies

Holiday baking became a whole lot harder when I went gluten free six years ago. I've learned a lot since then, thankfully, because I love me some holiday cookies! My kids love cutout cookies especially, but I've had a hard time finding a gingerbread recipe that would hold up to the task.

Cue the music, because I've found one!

It's compact, buttery and holds up super well when rolled and cut. Plus, the finished cookies taste amazing!

The girls had fun decorating them. And I had a blast eating too many. Heh.

 

Good news! You can use gluten-based flour if you're not on a GF diet! What's that? You want the recipe. Oh... okay, I suppose. 

GLUTEN-FREE GINGERBREAD COOKIE RECIPE

2 cups gluten-free flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon cinnamon

2 tsps ginger

1 egg

1/4 cup butter (room temperature)

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup molasses or maple syrup (Can use honey if you prefer)

Cream sugar and butter. Add in syrup/molasses. In a separate bowl, mix together all of the dry ingredients. Incorporate into the wet ingredients until well blended. Should be thick and cling to the mixer/spoon. Add 1/2 tsp water at a time if needed to increase moisture. Once combined, gather into a ball, wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate until firm.

To make cut-out cookies, separate firm dough ball into 2 smaller balls. Gently roll out on a surface sprinkled with gluten-free flour. We made our a little thicker because we've had cookies fall apart in the past. Don't roll too thin.

Bake on parchment-covered baking sheets at 350 degrees for 12-15 minutes. They will be firm on top and slightly soft on the bottom. Let rest on the pan and cool slightly before moving to a rack. For a crispier cookie, bake 15-16 minutes. For a softer cookie, bake 12-15. 

Let cool, then decorate and enjoy! Makes about 2 dozen cookies. Freeze any that you won't use right away.

 

Comfort Food Monday: Gluten-Free Oatmeal and Fruit Bars

Need a little something sweet to make your Monday better. Pop over to the BEHIND THE PAGES tab for the recipe for these little beauties.

Goes great with a cup of coffee and a great book. Hey, I have a couple of contemporary romance books on sale for 99 cents each!

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